I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
