hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
