sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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