I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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