Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
