The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
