Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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