She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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