White coat. Heels.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
