is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
