The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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