is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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