Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
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