The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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