You can't motorboat a personality
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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