We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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