I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
