the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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