I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
