I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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