It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
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Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
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Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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