so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
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