dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
