On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
