Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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