Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
