I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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