He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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