Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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