Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
