maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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