I'm really into asian looking animals
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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