My hand turned me down
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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