ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
