final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
