hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
