He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
