I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
