the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
