I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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