we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
