The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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