I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
