Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
