ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
