He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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