It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
