Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
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Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
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Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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