No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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