I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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