He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
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Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
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I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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