just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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