we made out on top of his cat.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
