Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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