Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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