At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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