I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
