As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
