While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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