Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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