By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
