I hate all girls vehemently.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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