During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
