Will you blow on my dice?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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