I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
