you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
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My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
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His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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