i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
