I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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