Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
