thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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