I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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