I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
