Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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