I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
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