o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
