"it" just moved
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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