New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
