accomplished twins. life is a go
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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