I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
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You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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