i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
