I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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